18 September 2024

Sarah Fulham, Director of Domestic Abuse, Hestia

If you have school-age children, the last few weeks may have been a bit of a whirlwind for you. Getting back into morning routines, making sure all the uniform fits, meeting new teachers and catching up with old friends – there are a thousand things to think about.

But if you are a mum or child who has moved into a refuge to escape domestic abuse, the new school year can be especially daunting. Your lives have been uprooted, you will have moved to a new, perhaps unknown area, and often you will have left most of your possessions behind.

At Hestia we fundraise in order to be able to provide dedicated Children & Family Workers across our refuges, who provide additional, specialist support during this time and throughout the year. They have good connections with local school admissions teams, so that we can get children back into familiar routines as quickly as possible – giving them stability when other aspects of their life might seem uncertain or frightening.

We can also support with making school uniform grant applications, as some of our families have fled with nothing but the clothes they were wearing. This is a huge relief for mums who are worried about the financial burden of buying another new uniform. 

Children living in our refuges might feel worried and anxious about starting a new school and some are understandably upset about having to leave mum. It’s important that their new school has an overview of the current circumstances so that they can support the children through the transition.

Our Children & Family Workers can attend initial meetings with the school leadership team, pastoral staff and school nurse to discuss support plans, counselling that is available, and safety measures including any non-molestation orders and court orders. The strong local relationships we have developed with schools close to our refuges mean they understand that children need extra care and support around this transition.

We have seen how this specialist support makes a huge difference.

We offer activities at the refuge to help children settle into their new area – including thinking together about how their new school might look, how will they get there, who their new teachers will be, what they’ll wear and what they’ll eat. Talking and learning about their new school can help to ease anxiety. We also look at big emotions, how to identify them and who are their safe people to talk to.

We have seen that it can sometimes take children a little longer to adjust to new settings, but with patience and joined up support from the adults and services around them, we can help them to settle and start to rebuild their lives.

We have seen how this specialist support makes a huge difference. One family we supported in East London had a child who didn’t want to get out of bed, cried every morning, and was really struggling with the change. Our Children & Family Worker was able to get them a CAMHS referral (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). Over time, the trusting relationships they developed and close partnership working with CAMHS, the school and mum, supported the child to get to a much happier place where they were able get up and felt positive about attending school each day.

We have seen that it can sometimes take children a little longer to adjust to new settings, but with patience and joined up support from the adults and services around them, we can help them to settle and start to rebuild their lives.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises that a child who sees, hears or experiences the effects of the abuse towards their parent is a victim in their own right. Based on this, an estimated 827,000 children in England and Wales may have experienced domestic abuse by the end of 2023. And yet according to research conducted by the Domestic Abuse Commissioner, only 29% of victims and survivors who wanted it were able to get support for their children.

We know that providing easily accessible, specialist support at the right time is vital to ensure that children are able to successfully recover and move forward with their lives, so we believe that specialist support for children should be a minimum standard across all domestic abuse refuges.

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